I’m wondering what the implications of this are. In studies on resiliency, lots of findings suggest that, for many children who are reared in stressful homes, once a normative and healthy rearing environment is restored, so are a lot of the psychological and emotional functions that were blunted or hindered in the stressful environment.
So, stressful environment —> greater psychological struggles
Restore healthy environment —> psychological struggles reduced and greater self-regulation
Of course this is largely influenced by age, and humans are not infinitely plastic. But I’m wondering how these biochemical functions fit in.
Kinda scary that stress can shorten telomeres, if this does indeed hold up in future (larger) studies. Shit :/
I know I have said this many times over the past several days, but I am so relieved that you are going to treatment. You have been so worn out, and this is a chance for you to be nourished in all the ways you desperately need to be.
I know you are not going without reservations. I know you are scared, and I know you are doubtful of your decision. That fear and doubt will not go away the moment you get there; you will almost certainly not be overcome with a sense of relief upon walking through the doors. Your first days there will likely feel overwhelming, and that’s okay. You will probably want to leave, but don’t.
You and I are creatures of routine, boundaries, and illusions of competence at all costs. You will have to change the routine you have grown dangerously and reluctantly comfortable with. You will have to soften the boundaries you rely on to maintain yourself, because they are only giving you the illusion of maintaining yourself. You know, somewhere in your rational mind, that you have been watching and feeling yourself slip away. You will have to admit that, and talk about it, and feel about it, and you will have to trust that doing so will be okay, because it is.
The routine you are introduced to will be uncomfortable, and you don’t have to pretend to be comfortable with it. You don’t have to pretend to be okay, because you are not. You don’t have to pretend to be fearless, because you are not. You don’t have to pretend to be fully committed and ready, because you are not. You do not have to be fully committed and ready to go, to start, to do it anyway. They will help you move forward from the point at which you are.
Remember, this is not just “all in your head.” This is in your whole body. This is a systemic condition. It begins in and is complicated by the mind, but the mind alone does not maintain it. Healing the body is necessary. You are a systemic being, not a being with an isolated malfunctioning part, and your entire system needs to be restored.
I have been watching you struggle so much, and while I will miss our irreverent humor towards ourselves and each other, and our “real talk” fan-mails, I am so, so glad that you will be going away for a while, because it is what you need, and what you need is what I want for you.
With support, good vibes, and a promise of stockpiled #coping with humor upon your return,